22.3.18

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its been 33 days now. its not even anything to be proud of, for majority of people it is normal state of being. i feel quite same to be honest. i am aware my problem was not as severe, that i would feel tremendous difference. it was there of course, but it had no effect on my every day life anyway. i think. i don't know. maybe i'm still sugarcoating shit, trying to defend it.
so what i have noticed.
i sleep better. meaning i fall asleep faster and i sleep more deep. but i think i sleep more in general.
i have lost a little weight. i had huge sugar cravings two weeks ago, yet i still lose weight.
i also have strange sensation, that i feel all my muscles. like everything in me feels fit.
my skin went super bad. i see no other logic in it, than some weird detox.
i had waves of irritation, not knowing what to do with my life in general.  reactions and behaviors of people made me bat shit crazy.
especially disgusting are drunk people. stumbling across the city, yelling, thinking they're somehow amazing and superior. funny how easy it is to distance myself....and how hard is not get on the high horse meanwhile.
my asthma went worse, because instead of cutting back and quitting i started smoking more secretly. so that lead me to another fuck this moment. if last year i quit because of basically proving a point, that i can, not really wanting it. then now i really want it and i already know i can.  yesterday night i consciously smoked my last one.
i figured, besides the obvious, that i can't breathe, i can't really feel the full effects of quitting one poison, if i constantly put another one in. it has to be both. and one triggers anyway another, having one month in between was sort of good choice. 

last but not the least, money doesn't magically disappear anymore. bank account always looks at you the same way. even i'm still paying off debt to myself because of india, i haven't gone dead broke. which is nice.

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