and now i got it.  i understand the sensation of shifting. the last piece of puzzle fell in its place.
earlier i had the urge to share all that was  happening in my life to the ones left behind, i lost it. i have lost track even, when it stopped. all the strings attaching are either cut or changed. i show what i want to be shown on the display. i am part of this picture. i'm simply not there anymore, i'm here. i'm home.

as life gives those moments of serenity and purity, it also gives a glimpse to the most revolting kinds of traits human kind possesses. few days back i saw the true colors of one of the tar drops in the honey pot. i won't explain the actual act that happened, nor the emotions it made me go through. i'm just pointing out, that i can literally overcome anything - death, abuse, violence, abandonment, betrayal. nothing breaks my spirit, how hard any piece of trash tries. i should have of course trusted my gut feeling. if the stupidity overpowers common sense, it's not my war to fight. i have learned that ages ago, once again i proved myself right. on the other hand, was it supposed to happen, to notice that i have surrounded myself with pure angels, that will go through fire, to protect what's right. i have chosen the right people, i have put trust in right place and entrust them to take actions against the crime. not only crime against me, but all the others who have forced to be victims. i believe in the power of words and spreading the truth.

karma will come your way, you son of a bitch.
the moment you redneck white trash realize, that everybody knows, what you have done. you have no place to hide, you can never look in the eyes of the people we know. you're pathetic. you're a monster, worse than an animal. everybody is judging. some might take actions. but that's already out of my hands, i let them decide.
imagine, i used to be afraid of invisible enemies in the dark. the worst kind is always near, lurking behind you, pretending to be something else. wearing a mask of a friend. you're going to loose much more, than you ever imagined. was it worth it. were these meaningless minutes worth lifetime of shame. small minds don't do great deeds, do they? learn it the hard way then. scum.

some strange sensations have caught my attention. it started few days back, when i felt somehow neglected, not in general, but specifically. i was blaming the universe, the circumstances, on some levels myself. though to look back, it isn't my choice, thus none of my business really. so, when the gloom took over on one of those gorgeous summer nights, when sun never goes down, people started showing up on internet. saying things, that came out of nowhere seemingly. something altered. i sensed railroad tracks shifting and  changing the course of a train. fascinating really, split second later, i stopped caring the oblivious moment i lingered in.
the very next night everything already had rearranged its position. i knew the roads to nowhere again. unknown places were where they supposed to stand. smelling lilacs in the sunrise was the most natural, sitting on rooftop left no fear. a new day was in two hours, but that didn't affect me.
with no sleep at all, nor the time to actually deal with the destruction of the body, mind lead to theory of everything. this is not romance, this is growth. nothing needs to be anything.
i could step into the theory of existence, but at this point, its not relevant. another day, another dawn.