3 am and once again it's all the same. more like 1 o'clock, just the song i'm listening. suits my mood. i don't know, what i have become, i don't know where i'm headed and it doesn't even matter. i just know that there are things i must let go, already have, as hard as it is to admit. life moves by me. i still stay the same, even though i don't. i also move, but i don't see it. i don't think of me much, never have. sure, i'm a poser, doing my thing. but is my thing? whatever you call it. i have messed up bad, trying my best to make a world a better place now. i really am. i want to offer more. i want to be remembered by all the good things, not the bads. i think, there are more of those goods. antisociality hits out again. i have nothing to say to anyone, because they don't matter. places and faces change, only writings remain. i want to believe. i do believe. this must have been the best thing that has happened to me. sure, i have said it more than once, back then it was true, now i know better. if you see it, you recognize it. and it makes me so fucking scared. i don't want to lose, no more. how much can one take this. maybe this time i'll win and have it all. but if the fear breaks in...it's already ruined. i shouldn't think that. i should give up on me. everyone who know me, know i gave up many years ago, that's exactly why, i have to make it the best for the ones, who haven't. though i don't really know, who has and who hasn't. never mind even. even if, they have lost the faith, it's my responsibility ti bring it back. the love, the freedom, the silence....the freedom to love, the freedom to be silent and not to fear. stop searching, because it's right there, it had always been, just the time wasn't right.
3 am it all seems alright. why shouldn't it be. everyone deserves to be happy. specially the ones you love. not even the ones, just one. i haven't been so calm for a long time. i mean, like...in a period of life. i finally feel, i'm doing the right thing. but if even that is not enough, i just keep trying and trying, nothing to do about it anymore, no turning back. like i said, i'm already gone. all i have left in life is my ability to heal. maybe one day i can wake up and say i nailed it. maybe this day has dawned already. honestly, i stopped searching. said that before too, but...this is the last time, the last place, the last face, i'll get involved myself. i want to be best for someone, might be, that i am, i know she is, so it gets harder and harder to let go. and i don't have to. once you reach the maximum, that one person can offer, there is no need to continue searching for others. you just make the best of it...or stop. couldn't be better. couldn't be better...
i sometimes wonder...do people think like that. do they...know that there are dimensions, that it's not all about finding something good and just living with it. do they know, that it's way higher and has more meaning. do they know, that it's never about theirselves and it's all about theirselves, because we are all the same. do they really know that what goes around comes around, that everything they do, they do to themselves. do they know that the world we live in is an ilusion. i don't think they do. they see the sunset, it's just the sunset, but it's everything, because there is no another. they hear a song, the say it's a good one, but it's the best, because there is no other, that is the only and first and last one. aren't they lucky, if there is another first snowflake and the last autumn leaf? i don't know, but i'm so fucking grateful, that i learned to look at them, nothing else really doesn't matter. and i think to myself, aren't i fucking lucky, that i have a reason to write all this crap that no one ever sees, i have a reason. this time i won't spread it to the world, i'll keep it to myself.
thousand of kilomteres between, once again. i don't feel sad. ...well i do, who am i lying to, but. really. there's nothing wrong. it's just...so pure. i won't let anything taint it. something needs to be kept pure and to myself. and this is where it could end. simply.
well. it's soon really going to be 3 am if i won't go to sleep. ...i even have dreams now. i see the sun and the meadows in my dreams. and i don't worry, and i'm always smiling. isn't it just....
3 am it all seems alright. why shouldn't it be. everyone deserves to be happy. specially the ones you love. not even the ones, just one. i haven't been so calm for a long time. i mean, like...in a period of life. i finally feel, i'm doing the right thing. but if even that is not enough, i just keep trying and trying, nothing to do about it anymore, no turning back. like i said, i'm already gone. all i have left in life is my ability to heal. maybe one day i can wake up and say i nailed it. maybe this day has dawned already. honestly, i stopped searching. said that before too, but...this is the last time, the last place, the last face, i'll get involved myself. i want to be best for someone, might be, that i am, i know she is, so it gets harder and harder to let go. and i don't have to. once you reach the maximum, that one person can offer, there is no need to continue searching for others. you just make the best of it...or stop. couldn't be better. couldn't be better...
i sometimes wonder...do people think like that. do they...know that there are dimensions, that it's not all about finding something good and just living with it. do they know, that it's way higher and has more meaning. do they know, that it's never about theirselves and it's all about theirselves, because we are all the same. do they really know that what goes around comes around, that everything they do, they do to themselves. do they know that the world we live in is an ilusion. i don't think they do. they see the sunset, it's just the sunset, but it's everything, because there is no another. they hear a song, the say it's a good one, but it's the best, because there is no other, that is the only and first and last one. aren't they lucky, if there is another first snowflake and the last autumn leaf? i don't know, but i'm so fucking grateful, that i learned to look at them, nothing else really doesn't matter. and i think to myself, aren't i fucking lucky, that i have a reason to write all this crap that no one ever sees, i have a reason. this time i won't spread it to the world, i'll keep it to myself.
thousand of kilomteres between, once again. i don't feel sad. ...well i do, who am i lying to, but. really. there's nothing wrong. it's just...so pure. i won't let anything taint it. something needs to be kept pure and to myself. and this is where it could end. simply.
well. it's soon really going to be 3 am if i won't go to sleep. ...i even have dreams now. i see the sun and the meadows in my dreams. and i don't worry, and i'm always smiling. isn't it just....
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