get free

it's just so odd, when u become mentally utterly retarded and even shy and backwards about the thing u wanted to shout all about to the world... that you have absolutely nothing to say to the outside world, that u have lost all the strings attached to everything else. those magnificent moments, when u become.. the only thing that matters. everything u have ever confronted and felt ..seems so unreal and useless, total waste of time and space. the answers, u needed, the questions, u thought, u wanted to ask..what were they really about, every moment u thought, u lived, were irrelevant compared to now and ...forever. i'm saying you, though i meant me. because it is all about me ...and you. and the end of the world or the day, when the whole world went away. there is absolutely nothing else out there, there never was. all those seconds without you, the minutes, the months...the years and beyond..they all make sense. all the things ever said or done or dreamt or dimensions never reached, are in divine infinity...how can one ever verbalize anything, if mind is just unable to reach this level of understanding, feeling...the ultimate level of high, which is...reality. every song, listened to hundreds and thousands of times suddenly just comes together. every word, every beat...flows through you..all those movies, all those books, poems, theories...are one. one big whole. everything i ever...wanted. everything i ever questioned or refused to believe in. everything anyone could possibly wish. we have it in front of us. and it's so unreal, that i'm willing to let go everything i was ever all about. i'm ready to..not have ...anything at all. now i know, how stupid i was, now i know, how wrong i was...til this very moment. actually every single word i ever wrote...every single idea i had during the years i have been writing here...all of it. it's a bunch of crap. this has nothing to do, what i know now, what i have become, whom i've met in my real mirror. seriously why to bother even...trying to concentrate on anything. everything is lana, she said it all. it is...illuminati. it is the end. and we are born to die. and ....even worse for everybody else. it's the exact opposite. again we met. from the brief second our eyes met across the hall, the centuries again, were erased. and it began again. and it is odd to know. and i'm saying odd, because weird or awkward would be...negative. and difference between knowing something then, knowing something now...is, this time, i am really naked and empty and full and....i have nothing left of myself, the one that i knew of.. i was just a kid, sorry kids.