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guess i should...say what has happened, but i realized, that there's no need for that. i'll just summarize my random thoughts. i have had the fastest ride and slowest conclusions. one took 27 hours, the other one six years of my life. matching the pieces of the puzzle with a friend of mine, got me somewhere i haven't been before with this subject. i always somehow assumed it was more about me, not the other way around. i thought i was howling to the moon and walking in circles...that it was my fault somehow... comes out, that is quite a bunch of bullshit. i wasn't scared, i was there all the time. i'm not the one with sleeve full of games. there's something about near death experiences, that make you just love again. at first i was scared shitless, when i actually understood, that the end of me might be on the roads of lithuania. i remember so clearly the thought in my head, that a chick in bmw is the best thing that could happen 4 am in the middle on nowhere. but it ended up being the longest 300 kilometers in my life. having mk ultra telepathy four hours straight, every second ready to grab the wheel myself, leaded me to extreme exhaustion. and i still have it, but my mind is clear. i won't push shit that doesn't need to pushed. when i said i don't believe these things anymore, she said, she had lost faith. in a way it's funny. she seriously was sure, if a thing like this is out there, there is still hope for all of us. and guess what...i don't think there is. the supernatural coincidences are hard to deny, but does it really mean anything. right now and right here it doesn't change anything. i don't feel sad or lonely..i'm quite comfortable of knowing what's going to happen tomorrow. i enjoy the silence. the need for adrenaline and thrill, even they are quiet. why not, i was really sick of the noises already...