salude

...i think it's time to say, that momma i'm coming home. too bad you're not even near, where i need to be. too bad you can't ever tell me that, what i'm doing, is wrong (or right). too bad i can't even feel you...like other people say, they feel the ones near, that passed away. my radar is empty and dead....even like you were never here. even the fading memories of you seem so distant, that i just don't want to cope with, cause in the end it was all pain. so it's rainy and cloudy and cold and alone outside. i feel ...nothing at all. not even the lonelyness, eventho, the person i love/loved, is..right behind me. eventho the person who gets me til the end is few kilometers away, i want to escape them...and everything. how can you, just leave so far, that you leave no trace behind....it destroys and corrupts me...i don't want to sleep, but i sleep forever, i feel, but i block the true ones and go with the ones full of hate. how do i even go on like this. i had no idea, what it really meant. i still don't know, what anything means...guess there was this only one, who always stayed on my side, because she knew, what i was all about, but now seems, like even she has gone, where you have gone...in the eternal silence. why would you not sing in the trees and in the clouds, why would you not appear in the colors of the flowers. why aren't you doing, what you're supposed to do...or if that is a lie, what can i believe. from the dead...and alive ones. if you both left me the same way...trying to breathe, trying to catch the significent moments of seconds...giving me nothing but myself and emptyness. we're you lying, was i lying...all the time. why would i ever...mention. anything. that is left pure. like loving a mother. like having a soulmate 'til the rest of your journeys, 'til eternity, dreams....reality, truth is dreams................i don't want to talk anymore