environmental anxiety.
now that my own thoughts are clear, instead of being liberated, i am even more tip toeing on egg shells. it genuinely feels like a bad trip. all those unicorns and glitter, candy mountains and bright lights, pink fluffy clouds and ...bullshit katy perry video - is stripped down to a nightmare.
it tries to sink its claws into your flesh, whispering in your ear, that you're nothing, you will fail.
gaslighting. most definitely gaslighting.
i have exhausted my mind so long trying to do the right think in every situation. be better. be good.
it is a charade. i'm jokingly or not, not far from theory that maybe this, simply does not exist. your relationship has been a lie. you just see things, because your own mind plays tricks. all dimensions within the dimension have also been delusions.
paranoia talk aside and in all seriousness,
its easy to see the sugarcoated version of a place, if in truth it has absolutely nothing to offer and its as shallow as you can go. indeed very similar to hallucinogen trip - the length, the depth, the levels and eventually...the fall.
but that's all it is. longer version of a bad trip. and as far as i know, all trips end and one point its time to return to reality and start living your life again. go back to work, have late night conversations, connect, detox, purify.
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