ties

as funny as it is, you apparently cannot live a different life you're supposed to live. it takes just one big fucking painful exhausting circle, to find yourself back in the same point, where you started off. its something like being lost in the woods and not finding way out, meeting the same spots again and again, having this nagging feeling, hey, i have most certainly been here before.
so, that happened. it wasn't that much of a Mandela or dimensional. it was very much human behaviorism. in the nastiest way there is clearly, full off text book cliches. imagine investing your time, energy, all your resources, to make some shit work and yet it doesn't, because it's based on lies, secrets, neglect, oblivion. i mean, yes, it makes you feel like dumped in the bottom a basement, when you find out that you have been cheated on and lied; all of you, all your beautiful self, meant nothing in the end of the day. yet its liberating. you know your gut feeling was right and you're worth so much more. you are beautiful and you are amazing creature, because you did absolutely nothing wrong. you sacrificed and made compromises. your conscious is clean, you're pure as an infant. that's how you can move on back to the beginning of the circle, with no negative feelings, because you gave nothing away to the dark side, there is no need to recover, because all you did, was give and care. you were the one, who was never appreciated.
this could have been hit of my own karma, for all the things i did in the past. but all i know, that this probably was the last of it. i have done nothing immoral, not even questionable decisions for the past two years. i wonder what future has in store for you?
i wish no harm, even questionable hateful thoughts aren't my thing anymore. i have grown to the person i wanted to be, i make my choices based solidly on what i believe in. and i sincerely do believe in happy ends and things will be, what they're meant to be.
the only thing i have lied about is, how i feel. then again, everybody has the right to have that place in them, to  sometimes take out in lonely nights and admire it. what is yours, only yours.
i will never forget the summer eve, when sun was in the glitters. the moment that was forever. when you recognize all you have ever wanted.
and you know what, i don't need to. everything just takes off, where it was left behind. maybe this time only wiser and more grateful.